Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
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