I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
