I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
