i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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