So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
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