If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
