Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
He told me they were just razor bumps!
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
