Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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