I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
You're like the curious george of whores
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Randomize
