Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
