We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
