i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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