Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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