I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Randomize