This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
You dont lie about slip and slides
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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