there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Dick very happy bro
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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