things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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