I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
