My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
