a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
