I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
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