He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
