i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
