I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
