I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I want to make a zoo with you.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize