I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize