I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Randomize