you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
