We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
