remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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