from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
