Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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