sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
