It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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