My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I enjoy the company of your penis
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
