that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
