Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
