Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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