honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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