can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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