Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
