god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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