I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
