Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
