you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Randomize
