You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Randomize
