He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
