im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
