I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
