seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Randomize
