Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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