i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
