It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Randomize