dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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