you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
