Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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