I murdered the dance floor call the cops
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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