Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
