My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
