let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
NoShamevember. You game?
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
