He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
