You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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