Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
