Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
