Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
