my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I feel great
I just peed on a car
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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