I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
How naked do you want me to be?
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