the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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