wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
