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3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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