just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
