Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
