i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
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