Yo dont text me then not text me
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
