Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
