You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize