The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
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