Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
