You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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