I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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