yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
