Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I need moral support for this bender
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize