You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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