I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
