YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
