hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Randomize
