he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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