Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
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