There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
