The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
