I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
