i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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