five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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