I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize