So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Randomize
