and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
You ate ashes out of my bong
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
