Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
