I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Randomize
