This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
In America we eat man semen.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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