I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
