the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize