We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
We need a shit load of segways right now
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
